Emma Jones, MD
The holidays are often described as "the most wonderful time of the year," yet for many of us, they feel like a whirlwind of stress, guilt, and overwhelm. The crowded malls, never-ending to-do lists, and social pressures leave us depleted rather than joyful. What’s going on in our brains that makes this season so challenging? And how can understanding the neuroscience of stress help us navigate it more peacefully?
The Neuroscience of Stress: Why Our Brains Feel Overloaded
At its core, stress is a survival mechanism. When we encounter a perceived threat—whether it’s a saber-toothed tiger or a packed holiday schedule—our brain activates the fight, flight, or freeze response. The amygdala, often called the brain's fear center, sounds the alarm, triggering the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
While these hormones are useful for short bursts of energy, they become problematic when activated repeatedly or for prolonged periods, as during the holiday season. Chronic stress hijacks our ability to think clearly, leaving us reactive and easily overwhelmed.
Reference: McEwen, B. S. (1998). Stress, adaptation, and disease: Allostasis and allostatic load. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 840(1), 33–44.
Frustrating or aggravating conversations with relatives often trigger a region of the brain known as the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). The ACC has a unique position in the brain, establishing connections with both the "emotional" limbic system and the "cognitive" prefrontal cortex. This brain region is involved in monitoring and regulating cognitive processes, conflict resolution, and error detection. It plays a role in processing frustration by signaling when there is a conflict between expectations and outcomes. Taking short breaks during overwhelming situations can help reinforce action-outcome learning, aiding in stress management.
Why Holidays Amplify Stress and Guilt
Cognitive Dissonance
The holidays often come with high expectations: joy, connection, generosity, and perfection. But reality rarely matches these ideals. This creates cognitive dissonance, the psychological discomfort that arises when our actions don’t align with our values or goals.
For example, we might want to create a magical holiday experience for our families, but financial constraints or time limitations prevent us from meeting that vision. This gap between expectation and reality fuels feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
The Negativity Bias
Our brains are also wired to focus on what’s wrong, incomplete, or negative—a phenomenon called the negativity bias. Evolutionarily, this kept us safe by helping us avoid danger, but in the context of the holidays, it leads us to dwell on what we didn’t accomplish or what went poorly rather than celebrating what went well.
Reference: Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323–370.
How Stress Affects Decision-Making and Emotions
During periods of high stress, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking, planning, and decision-making—takes a back seat to the amygdala. This can lead to impulsive reactions, poor decision-making, and heightened emotions, making it harder to stay calm during family conflicts or last-minute changes.
Additionally, chronic stress can lead to emotional exhaustion, reducing our capacity for empathy and patience. This is why even small inconveniences, like a delayed package or a messy house, can feel monumental during the holidays.
Reference: Arnsten, A. F. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410–422.
Reclaiming Peace: Strategies Rooted in Neuroscience
The good news is that understanding your brain’s stress response can empower you to take control. Here are science-backed strategies to help you navigate the holiday season with more ease and joy:
1. Pause to Regulate Your Nervous System
When stress levels rise, simple practices can help deactivate the stress response and re-engage your prefrontal cortex.
Breathwork: Try the 4-7-8 technique: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. This signals to your brain that it’s safe to relax.
Grounding Exercises: Focus on your senses. What can you see, hear, touch, taste, or smell right now? This shifts your attention away from stressors and into the present moment.
2. Reframe Expectations
Challenge perfectionism by asking yourself:
“What’s the most meaningful part of this task?”
“What would ‘good enough’ look like?”
Remember, your brain’s negativity bias might be amplifying your sense of failure. Reframing your perspective helps reduce guilt and fosters gratitude.
3. Prioritize Joy and Rest
Activities that promote joy, connection, and rest release dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s feel-good chemicals.
Schedule downtime in your calendar as you would any important meeting.
Engage in activities that bring you genuine joy, whether that’s baking cookies with loved ones or curling up with a good book.
4. Use Journaling to Engage Your Prefrontal Cortex
Writing about your stressors or your gratitude engages the logical part of your brain, reducing the emotional charge of stress. Try prompts like:
“What went well today?”
“What small step can I take tomorrow to feel more at ease?”
The Science of Slowing Down
The holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Neuroscience teaches us that rest and intentionality aren’t just luxuries; they’re necessities for a balanced and fulfilling life.
By embracing small, deliberate actions—pausing to breathe, reframing expectations, and prioritizing joy—we can align with the natural rhythms of the season rather than fighting them. This approach not only helps us survive the holidays but also sets the stage for personal growth and renewal in the new year.
Final Thoughts
This holiday season, give yourself permission to slow down and reclaim your peace. If you’re ready to go deeper and make meaningful changes in your life, check out my Spark Your Change program—a 6-week self-paced journey designed to help you start small and spark big transformations.
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